


another word for trying

by ptrprkrs



Category: The Hollow (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Kai needs a hug, Mira needs a hug, also mira is bisexual, but i just thought you should know, it’s never mentioned, kai and mira friendship rights, mira centric, they’re both just giving each other the hugs they deserve, this is so self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:21:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26067889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ptrprkrs/pseuds/ptrprkrs
Summary: there is no fight anymore and mira doesnʼt know what to do.featuring dealing with grief, mira and kai having a lot more in common than one would think, and figuring out your place in a world that doesnʼt exist
Relationships: Kai & Mira (The Hollow)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	another word for trying

**Author's Note:**

> just to preface: im in love in with mira. the lack of mira centred fics physically ails me and so i wrote this.
> 
> i cant believe im never going to see these guys (mira) again let me go cry

Mira is, like, totally fine. 

Because, who is she kidding, she has great friends, her parents love her and Miles does not annoy her as much as usual. 

She’s _fine_.

But, she can’t help the sinking feeling in her chest that something’s _wrong_. That there is something that needs to be done, needs to be fixed, and she’s the only one who can. 

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Dramatic? Yes, but, god, she can’t help it. 

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And there’s nothing _inherently_ wrong, like, their world isn’t glitching, there aren’t any demon monster chickens chasing them, so yes, on the surface, everything is fine. So why does she feel like she’s committing some personal plight against the universe any time she so much as tries to relax? 

__

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Now, Mira knows a thing or two about neglecting sleep (staying up for the midnight release of new games and just having to play them right then and there will do that to you), but she has never been this _tired_ before. It’s the kind of exhaustion that seeps into her bones; weighs her down. Makes her limbs feel like lead, her eyelids too heavy. And she can’t fix something that isn’t broken because she’s _fine_ — 

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Except she really isn’t. 

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It has become a weekly thing for them to meet up and just hang out, you know, without the ever present fear of danger looming over them. Itʼs… nice. Or, at least, it would be if Miraʼs brain could shut up for just a second long enough for her to enjoy herself. 

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They are sitting at a big table in some café and Kaiʼs telling them a joke as usual. He gestures wildy, setting it up, and then delivers a dumb and corny punchline that has mixed reactions from her friends. Reeve rolls his eyes; Adam has the deceny to laugh, even if itʼs a little bit forced; and Vanessa groans around the croissant in her mouth. Itʼs normal and itʼs nice and nothingʼs _wrong_ but Mira stares intently at the potted plant in the corner and doesn’t feel her friendʼs attention trained on her until Kai is nudging her side slightly. 

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She looks up at him and finds him watching her closely. “You okay?” he asks, voice sincere and full of concern. 

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Putting on a tight lipped smile, she nods her firmly, hoping to dispel any thoughts otherwise. “Yeah, Iʼm fine.” 

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Kai pouts. “You didnʼt laugh at my joke.” 

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“It was a bad joke,” Reeve reasons, teasing the younger boy, riling him up. It then sparks a debate about what constitutes a good joke, because they tend to get philosophical like that, and Mira continues to drift in and out of the conversation, picking at her food.

__

Everyone around her was laughing and playfully ribbing each other and just behaving the same way they would on any other day, without a care in the world. 

Mira doesnʼt say anything for the rest of lunch. 

They finish their meal, and Kai pays despite their many protests because _guys, I could literally buy all of you no problem; I can handle a couple cheeseburgers_. She hugs Vanessa, lets the other girl squeeze her tight and promises to text her later. Saying goodbye to the rest of her friends, Mira walks off to where she parked her moped. 

“Where you going?” she hears Adam ask, and Mira turns around to find the redhead following her, even though his house is in the opposite direction. 

He shrugs and jerks a thumb in her direction. “Iʼm going home with Mira.”

Adam cocks his head to the side, considering this, at the same time Mira goes, “You are?” 

Kai just nods simply, taking the spare helmet off her bike, as if to say _yeah, we do this, no biggie_. And Mira isn’t one to just turn away her friends, even if all she wants to do is hole up in her room and wallow in self-pity, so she shrugs noncommittally, mutters a “sure, whatever” under her breath and climbs onto her bike. 

The younger boy settles on after her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing the side of his face into her back. She hopes the set of her shoulders, and all the tension held there, isn’t obvious. 

If it is, Kai doesnʼt comment on it. 

Instead, he talks her ear off about one thing or the other, never really giving her time to input and never really expecting her to. 

Her younger brother greets them at the front door when they arrive at her house. “Kai! Wanna go play a game?” 

Grabbing Kai by the wrist, Mira pulls him along with her, marching him up to her room, and yells back to her brother, “Nobody wants to play with you, Miles!” 

Whatever he says in response is cut off by the sound of Miraʼs bedroom door slamming shut. She sits on the edge of her bed and lies back, staring at the ceiling. 

“So,” Kai starts, sitting crossed legged on her bed, “whatʼs up?” 

The question throws Mira off so much, she lets out an involuntary chuckle. “ _Whatʼs up_? You basically invited yourself here and youʼre asking _me_ whatʼs up.” 

Kai shrugs. “Well, I knew you wouldnʼt tell me what was wrong with everyone around, but look—” he gestures to the empty room, save for them— “No one else is around. So, I ask one more time: whatʼs up?”

Mira thinks she could lie, but then throws that idea out the window when she remembers that one, itʼs not something sheʼs ever been particularly good at. And two, _she doesnʼt know whatʼs wrong_. Only that something _must_ be. That there must be a reason for why she doesnʼt sleep anymore. Why she can never find a single moment when her brain isnʼt yelling at her to _do something_. Why sheʼs so _sad_. 

She says none of this, though. Doesnʼt know how. She just lies in the same spot and thinks Kai might push her for an answer again, but instead, he sighs loudly and lays down next to her. 

It’s silent for a moment as Mira watches him curiously until he pipes up suddenly and goes, “Do you ever think about us? Like, us us. Our IRLs, if you will.” 

“I wonʼt,” she says, because the joke comes easier than the answer. Because of course she does. How can she not, when sometimes her parents slip up and forget that they already asked her if she was hungry and she already told them _no, thanks Dad, Iʼm good_. When sheʼs reminded that this, this world theyʼre living in, isn’t real. That she—her real self—is out wherever she is, living her life not giving her a second thought.

Kai inhales. “I do. Think of them, I mean. Like, sometimes Iʼm like _holy shit, this is so cool_ , because, you know, the whole ‘sentient AI thingʼ is _awesome_. I’ve always wanted to live in a video game,” he chuckles lightly at that and goes quiet. Mira turns her head to look back up at the ceiling again and plays with her fingers on her stomach. “Other times, though,” Kai starts again, softer, voice barely above a whisper, “I feel jealous. Like, they get to move on, continue on with their lives—get jobs, go to college—and weʼre just here. Doing the same thing everyday.” 

He sighs heavily. “I donʼt know, I just think about it a lot, I guess.”

Clearing her throat, Mira starts, eyes squeezed shut, “I think about Skeet a lot. Maybe more than I should. Probably. And itʼs stupid because heʼs _fine_ , and heʼs going over for dinner on Sundays with IRL Mira, like he always does, but…” Mira doesnʼt realise sheʼs crying until she tastes salt on her tongue. Blinking her eyes shut, she continues. “Heʼs not _here_. And…I want him to be.” 

The room goes silent, then, save for the sound of their breathing. Mira doesnʼt dare open her eyes, afraid her tears will go falling uncontrollably. 

Then, “You need to let yourself grieve.” 

Mira scoffs, wiping at her eyes. “Thereʼs nothing to grieve, Kai. Heʼs not really dead.” 

“Maybe. But you know what is real? Your feelings. Youʼre allowed to be upset, Mira. I mean, hell, whenever I accidentally break a video game, the pain I feel is real.” 

She can’t help it as she laughs involuntarily. Kai smiles wide from next to her. “Do you ever get tired of doing that?” 

“What are you talking about?” he asks, tilting his head slightly in question. 

“You know, that _thing_ you do where you crack a joke at your expense when someone else is feeling bad. To make them feel better, or whatever.” 

He looks affronted. “I donʼt do that.” 

“Yeah, you do.”

“No, I donʼt,” Kai huffs out, sitting up. 

Mirroring him, Mira leans up on her hand. “ _Yes_. You do. Remember that time Adam had a nightmare where he was drowning and you told him about the time you fell off a cruise with your parents and got to swim with dolphins?” 

“Okay that doesnʼt—”

“And when Vanessa started blaming herself for being the reason weʼre in here, you told her about the time you gave your chef the wrong cake flavour for your momʼs birthday and she had an allergic reaction?” 

Kai releases a breath of defeat. “Fair enough.” 

The older girl grins in victory. “So do you?” 

“Do I what?”

“Oh my _god_ , Kai. Get tired.” 

“I know, I know, I was kidding!—and I see what you mean now, wow, okay.” 

“So?” 

The younger boy sighs and slumps his shoulders. “I actually donʼt know. There isnʼt much I can do, you know. Much I can contribute. But, I can make people laugh, and people are happy when their laughing, so, I do it.” 

Mira hums thoughtfully. “I donʼt know what to do. With myself, I mean. Like, you make people feel better, and, up until now, Iʼd be the one to fix things. You and Adam are being idiots? Iʼll step in and get you two to knock it out—”

“Hey!”

“—If everyone is freaking out because of whatever crazy situation we found ourselves in, Iʼll talk us down. Thatʼs my thing. But now…thereʼs nothing to _fix_ anymore and I-I donʼt know what to do.” 

“Mira…” Kai moves to put his arm around her shoulder and pull her into a hug. “You are more than the help you can give people. You have smuch time to figure yourself out. Right now, though, let yourself feel.” 

Smiling softly, Mira looks up at him. “When did you get so smart?” 

“My mom has self-help books she leaves around the house that I read when Iʼm bored,” he admits shrugging. At Miraʼs incredulous look, he asks, “What?” 

She shakes her head. “Nothing, Iʼm just surprised you have past a fifth grade reading level,” she jokes cheekily. 

Kai rolls his eyes, nudging Mira with his shoulder. “Ha-ha. So I read, sue me.” 

“You know, I just might. Iʼve been dying to get my moped repainted.” 

A hand to his heart, the redhead gapes. “Is that all I am to you? A man made of money?” 

Mira snickers. “More like a _toddler_ made of money.” 

“Iʼm fourteen!”

The older girl just laughs while Kai pouts petulantly. It feels as though a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and, in a way, she supposes it has. The oh, so insistent problem was the fact that there wasnʼt one, which, okay. Not the weirdest thing to happen since she got stuck in a game, so she digresses. 

“Hey,” Kai says, breaking her out of her reverie. “Youʼre fine, right?” 

“Yeah,” she says smiling lightly. “I am.” 

And for the first time, she felt like she really was.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on twitter (@/SUKlFILMS) and tumblr (@/ptrprkrss) about this show if you want !


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